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Structured Freedom to Play


Summer has officially begun. With it comes an annual dilemma that plagues every parent of a school-aged child: What can I do to occupy my child’s time while they are not in school? Should we schedule every minute of their time with structured activities or let them run wild with no thought of routine until August rolls around and we have to start talking about school, like some strange tradition from another planet?

Last year was a little chaotic for our family. We were moving from Colombia to Denver, we had a brand new baby, we bought a house. In other words, we decided to pack all of the things that normal people put into several years into two short months. The kids, needless to say, didn’t have much structure and did run wild.

This year, I have tried something a little different. I made a set of what we have called “morning lessons” for my girls, so that each child has to spend some time on math, reading, and writing every day. The schedule itself is a little fluid, but the framework is set up and my initial goal was to ensure that they don’t forget all the things they learned during the last school year. But there has been a completely unanticipated benefit to our morning lessons: my children are more focused around the house, more helpful, and, most surprising of all, their play is more meaningful.

This last benefit, it turns out, is my favorite. While I do like their focus on household tasks and willingness to take care of their baby brother when I need five minutes, the enthusiasm and quality of play is what will really serve them best in the years to come. As Erika Christakis notes in her book, The Importance of Being Little,

“It’s probably easier to list the skills play doesn’t enhance than to attempt the reverse. In fact, defenders of play almost risk protesting too much. Play yields such an embarrassment of developmental riches that a mundane feature like fun seems almost too frivolous to merit protection. I’m not sure this is quite fair, and the dour attitude is a little ironic given the current vogue for adult playfulness. Isn’t it just a tad hypocritical to take play away from children at the exact cultural moment when Google employees are hunkered down at their foosball tables?”

Play is obviously important, so why is it that giving my children more structure in their day has made their play better? With just an hour of routine a day, they get hours upon hours of quality free time, and not once have I heard the phrase, “I’m bored.” Now that’s a deal, as we say in our family.

The apparent contradiction reminds me of a flute lesson I had when I was about fifteen. My teacher, frustrated with the liberties I took with the sheet music, explained to me that it wasn’t until I mastered the structure could I really understand and take advantage of the liberties the music afforded me. For some reason, the conversation stuck with me, although the real impact of what Ms. Gutierrez was saying didn’t hit home until almost a generation later. By giving my two daughters structure in their day, I have actually created a better, more predictable play environment for them. They really jump into their games feet first as they would into a cold summer lake, make believe worlds spring up around them, baby animals are rescued, they become queens and princesses. They negotiate the rules, roles, and plots, argue some, but mostly just sing.

And when I break in and shatter the dream by asking a question about the game, they give me some serious side-eye and say, “Mommy, we’re playing a game.”

The world they create isn’t for me. But I am happy that at least I gave them the structured space in which to build it.


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